Pre-kids, I used to wonder why so many parents complained about the journey to school.
It’s just dropping your kids off at school, 20-something me thought. What’s so difficult about it?
Then 30-something me had kids and discovered exactly what’s so difficult about it.
I’ve broken down a typical morning into 14 stages:
1. Waking the kids up.
For some reason, my kids are up at 6:30 a.m. EVERY weekend, but will never get up before 7:00 a.m. on a weekday.
Why oh why is it like this?! No matter how many times I’ve told them that it’s perfectly ok for me them to have a lie-in at the weekend, they never do.
Yet during the weekdays, the husband and I are just one step away from taking a wooden spoon and bowl upstairs and banging them together loudly to rouse them.
2. The brushing of the teeth
There’s always been debates about whether or not you should brush your teeth before or after breakfast. According to the experts, it’s better to brush before. If you do it afterwards, you’re advised to wait at least 30 minutes after eating before you do so.
Sod that.
If I waited for my kids to brush their teeth after their breakfast, the journey to school wouldn’t start until 9:00 a.m.
It’s already a challenge trying to get them to do it before breakfast.
Mostly because the sibling fights usually start as soon as the kids are up, with the 7-year-old complaining loudly about the 4-year-old committing one (or sometimes all) of the following crimes:
- Looking at her
- Sticking his tongue out at her
- Having the audacity to sit next to her on the sofa
And mummy just stands there trying her best not to lose it at 7:30 in the morning.
3. The breakfast battle
Next is breakfast, which usually consists of the kids moaning about me giving them the wrong cereal (despite them asking for it) or fighting over who has the most cornflakes in their bowl.
Then the 7-year-old suddenly decides she likes milk on her cornflakes, despite not liking it the day before.
I can therefore confirm that the fussiness DOES NOT end at the toddler stage.
Sorry.
4. The lunchbox fiasco
Due to the ridiculous increase in the cost of school dinners in the UK, our eldest now takes a packed lunch to school.
Which means having at least a five-minute discussion about her wanting her cheese grated and not sliced.
I’ve tried several times (in a desperate bid to avoid extra washing up) to convince her that cheese tastes exactly the same sliced as it does grated.
But to no avail.
This is followed by additional requests and me resisting the urge to respond with “what did your last slave die of?”, a phrase commonly used by my mum when I was a kid.
I was nowhere near as demanding as my kids though…honest.
5. Getting dressed
Undoubtedly the biggest challenge out of all these stages. No matter how many times you warn your kids that they will be late if they don’t get themselves dressed NOW, they don’t care.
And when they eventually do get dressed, it takes twice as long as it should.
6. The socks saga
Finding a matching pair of socks in our house is a challenge. I’m not sure where all of these missing socks go, but I’m pretty sure that if I looked under the sofa, I’d probably discover a massive sock party.
Then there’s always that one random sock that always seems to turn up in random places around the house.
It’s a mystery.
7. Chillout time with toys
As mentioned in my post about the furious fours, the 4-year-old loves having a playtime session with his dinosaurs and tractors – at precisely 8:20 a.m., ten minutes before the journey to school usually starts.
No amount of explaining to him that this is no time to be marching around mimicking a T-rex convinces him to stop.
I could stay calm and say sweetly “ok then, we’ll just leave when you’re ready to stop playing”, but if I did that he probably wouldn’t get to school until at least midday.
Or maybe not even at all.
So I usually resort to taking the toy away from him and explaining that it will be there for him to play with when he comes home. This usually works but doesn’t stop him from continuing to make the most annoying dinosaur/tractor/other loud noises known to man.
The joys of parenting a reception-aged child!
8. The sofa battle
The sofa battle has been a thing ever since my daughter was nursery-aged. Most parents of small children are probably familiar with it.
That moment when you’re trying to get your child dressed and they’re refusing to let you and face-plant the sofa or lie down and pretend that they’re asleep.
I call this move…. The Patience Destroyer.
My daughter would try and hide behind a cushion, exactly ten minutes before we were due to leave the house. Trying to get her dressed, while also trying to deal with my then 7-month-old baby, were some of the most challenging times of this parenting journey.
She’s now better at seven, but I’m going through the exact same thing with the youngest all over again. And the 4-year-old always decides to lie on the sofa AFTER he’s dressed, making his uniform all wrinkled.
One day, I shall look back on these challenges and laugh.
And be f**king thankful that I no longer have to deal with it.
9. Which coat?
Ahh, the coat situation. The moment where, despite having worn the same coat for weeks, the kids suddenly decide they want to wear a different coat (two minutes before we leave), which has usually been left at the grandparents’ house or is covered in mud because mummy had a mountain-sized load of other washing to do and so forgot to wash it.
10. Traffic trouble
I walk the kids to school and it’s only ten minutes away, but the traffic adds extra time onto the journey to school.
This is because mummy and daddy stupidly chose (pre-kids) to move to a location that is around two minutes (yes, just two minutes) away from a secondary school.
The traffic is horrendous and it takes a good few minutes to get across the road. Even worse when it’s raining and the traffic is double its usual amount.
Which is quite often in the UK.
11. Running up that hill
It’s become much easier to get my kids up the hill to school, but still a challenge now and then.
Especially when we’re rushing up the hill when it’s raining and the 4-year-old slips over and ends up covered in mud.
I never thought baby wipes would still be needed at this stage, but I’ll definitely be adding them to next week’s shopping list.
12. The rushed goodbye
After a rushed “love you” and goodbye, I watch the children take the route to their classrooms, feeling relieved that we’ve just managed to get there on time.
Then I walk past the following:
- Parents comforting their crying children, who don’t want to go to school
- Parents chasing after reception-aged children, who are trying to run away in the opposite direction
- Parents looking just as defeated as I often feel at 8:50 am
And I’m reminded that I’m not alone!
13. The journey back – a time to reflect
The journey to school is complete and I should feel relieved that it’s all over, but the journey back usually consists of this thought process:
Was I too harsh on them this morning?
Should I have been more patient?
Did I remember to pack the 7-year-old’s sandwiches?
Did I put her juice carton in?
Have they both got their water bottles?
And then arriving back home to discover the 4-year-old’s water bottle sitting on the table (luckily, this is a rare occurrence!).
And finally…
14. Sweeping up the sea of breakfast cereal
Kids are messy, which means that as soon I get home, I stare at the cornflakes or whatever other type of cereal they’ve had for breakfast and start sweeping them up before putting a wash on and starting work.
A mum’s work is never done!
But the most challenging part, the journey to school, is at least over…
…until tomorrow.
