It’s been a tough few weeks. With the 4-year-old now in school full time and in full grump-mode and the 7-year-old becoming sassier than ever, everything in our household now feels like a constant battle.
Getting the kids up in the morning – battle.
The school run – a big battle.
Getting the kids to eat their dinner – a massive battle.
The bedtime routine – the mother of all battles.
It’s SO challenging!
If I was made of buttons, then the kids would have pressed every single one by now.
If I was placed on a device that tested how much patience I have left at the end of the week, the meter would be very near to zero.
Now, I didn’t expect parenthood to be easy. I knew that there would be some challenges. I did, however, have visions of us all having lovely family meals after school and chatting about our day.
The reality is very different.
Instead of those nice meals and chatting together, yesterday’s dinnertime consisted of this:
Me: *Frantically trying to cook the kids a separate meal to the husband and I (the joys of parenting fussy eaters!) in time for the eldest getting back from her after-school club*
4-year-old wanders in crying his eyes out.
The husband and I look at each other, perplexed.
Us: What’s the matter?!
4-year-old: My nose!!!
Husband: Did you fall over?!
Me: Where does it hurt?
4-year-old while pointing to his nostril: It hurts up there!
More confusion and several minutes later, he informs us that he’s got a pom pom stuck up there.
A pom pom.
Up his nose.
Obviously we’re not talking about the massive pom poms that cheerleaders use, but these small, colourful pom poms:
How and why he pushed it up there remains a mystery.
The husband jumped straight into Superdad mode and immediately got a bowl and tried to encourage our son to blow it out.
Several minutes and lots of snot later, the thing still hadn’t come out.
It was tweezers time.
This caused instant panic, with our son backing away in horror like a scared dog that’s just been told it’s bathtime. Luckily Superdad, armed with his bowl, tweezers and his phone’s torch light, managed to coax him onto the sofa and eventually carefully extracted it (he was only able to do this because the pom pom was visible and therefore could safely be removed – phew!)
Hurrah! No harm done.
Sticking things up noses is apparently a trend with my kids. Our daughter once sneezed and a piece of fish finger flew out.
Don’t ask.
Over these past few eventful but stressful weeks, I’ve found myself struggling with the parental blues. To me, parental blues feels different to parental burnout. Parental burnout is more like a build-up for me, where the stress suddenly becomes too much and I suddenly find myself becoming irritable and snappy.
Parental blues is more like feeling downcast, defeated, and depressed.
It sometimes feels like there’s an expectation for parents to be happy all the time and the reality is, it just isn’t like that. Parenting young children can be tough. There are many happy times but there are a LOT of challenges too.
None of us ever expect our child to come rushing in and inform us that he’s got a colourful, fluffy ball-shaped craft item stuck up his nose while we’re in the middle of making a meal that our kids very likely won’t eat.
A couple of times over the past few weeks I’ve ended up thinking back to the pre-kids days and how much easier things were back then.
BUT…
Unlike an item from the shop that we bring home, try out and think “nah, it’s not for me”, we can’t take our kids back. There are no receipts, no return policies, and no try me buttons.
We just carry on, because, despite my two young children sometimes being what feels like the most annoying children in the entire history of the universe (they aren’t of course!), I still love the little patience testers.
I can’t offer any expert parenting advice, but I can say that these simple things have helped me get through the difficult days:
Date nights
It’s SO difficult to spend quality time with the husband since having kids. Every time we try to have an adult conversation it seems to immediately grab the attention of our kids. They’ll either want a snack or, in the 7-year-old’s case, start trying to join in the conversation.
Which is kind of awkward if it’s a hushed discussion about an adult topic.
Kids seem to see and hear EVERYTHING.
So, the husband and I have started trying to arrange a night to ourselves so that we can properly enjoy each other’s company without a small, noisy child around. Sometimes the grandparents will have the kids for a couple of hours at the weekend, which enables us to enjoy lunch and a walk together.
Also, once a year, the husband and I also take time out to attend a local pop-culture convention, where we get a chance to meet actors from our favourite TV shows and movies, attend question and answer sessions and browse some amazing stalls offering lots of merchandise. It’s a wonderful break for us and provides us with quality time together. And a lovely bit of nostalgia too!
Date nights (or date days) can be difficult for some though, especially if you don’t have babysitting options. If that’s the case, then try and arrange something special at home in the evenings when the kids are in bed, such as a nice meal or a movie night together.
A comfort movie
Speaking of movies, I like to watch what I call my “comfort” movies. These are usually movies that I loved as a child. They instantly lift my mood and provide a bit of escapism.
While having a comfort movie obviously can’t solve all the challenges of adulthood and being a parent, it can help to boost your mood for a bit. Especially if there’s a big blanket and some hot chocolate involved! A perfect treat for this time of year.
A good book
After a few years of nursery rhymes, Biff, Chip and Kipper and pretty much the entire collection of Julia Donaldson’s books, I’ve been enjoying getting back into adult fiction again.
While non-fiction books, such as self-help books or autobiographies are also great reads, I prefer fiction as it provides a bit of escapism. I love a good story! Everyone is different though and reading any type of book can help boost your mental health!
Seeing friends
Having someone to talk to can help beat the parental blues, especially if it’s a friend who is also a parent. They may be able to relate to your struggles.
I enjoy spending time with parent friends and non-parent friends. I can easily relate to my parent friends, who mostly have kids who are the same age, and I enjoy non child-related discussions with my non-parent friends. It’s a nice balance.
As an introvert, I do enjoy a lot of alone time, but there are moments when I’ve had a bad day and preferred having company to getting through the day on my own.
Treating yourself
As parents, we spend a lot of time treating our kids. We give them days out, take them to parks, buy them nice things and give them treats.
Sometimes we get so caught up in all the parenting malarkey that we forget to treat ourselves!
Having an occasional treat has helped me to beat the parental blues.
Seen a nice item of clothing? Go for it!
Fancy a takeaway? Go for it!
A glass of wine or two? Go for it!
A bar of chocolate that is supposed to be shared but you could easily polish off yourself? Definitely go for it!
There’s no harm in it and anything can be enjoyed in moderation!
After all…
When you’re dealing with pom poms stuck up noses and snot-covered school jumpers, you definitely need something to help you get through those parental blues!
