For the past week, Take That’s “Back for Good” has been stuck in my head, except I’ve been looking at my kids and changing the lyrics to: I just want you back to school (want you back, want you back, want you baaack to school).
The mum guilt is kicking in.
I should want to spend time with my kids, right?
I should enjoy parenting and never want the summer holidays to end, right?
Bloody wrong.
I’m glad it’s ended.
I feel guilty for feeling that way, but it’s the truth.
After six weeks of constant fights and arguments over who gets the TV because we’ve exhausted every activity going, I’m ready to get back to normal.
I realise that being around their children all day every day is the norm for a lot of parents, especially those who homeschool.
And I applaud them and have so much admiration for them because it’s something that I’m not strong enough to do.
There’s absolutely no way, whatsoever, that I could be around my kids all day every day.
I love them and I love spending time with them but it’s just too much.
Parental burnout definitely kicked in this summer and it’s times like this that I feel like a bit of a failure.
But when you’re a raging introvert (by that, I mean I’m a huge introvert, not an angry one), you end up craving some time on your own.
I’ve come to terms with it, but there are still moments when I feel guilty.
Like now.
BUT…
I do feel a sense of sadness at the thought of having reached the stage where I now have two children in school full-time (the youngest has just started Reception).
My feelings are mixed…
So I decided to compile a list of the best things about having two children in school full-time and also a list of things that make me feel sad about it.
Let’s start with the best things:
More housework done
I have to admit that I’m looking forward to claiming some of my home back when both the kids are in school full-time. No more worrying about stepping on a toy dinosaur or finding tiny bits of Playmobil embedded into the carpet.
Until they come home and undo all my hard work.
I realise that one day, when they are much older, I will strangely miss the Playmobil-stuck-in-the-carpet and dinosaurs-all-over-the-living-room days.
Maybe.
Face space
No longer will I have to deal with two small children climbing all over me or getting in my face.
I will have six wonderful hours of face space.
Until the four-year-old comes home and flings himself at me (his hugs are pretty impressive – it’s like hugging a massive adult man).
More time to focus on myself
Time to get back into work (another thing I felt guilty about, but I needed something for myself and also…the cost of living and all that) and most importantly…
Time to go to the toilet in peace.
No more small people following me into the bathroom anymore and wanting to know if I’m doing a poo.
Well not for six hours at least. Hurrah!
Peace and quiet
Six lovely hours without a child complaining about being bored or hungry.
Or shouts of “it was child 1 who did it!” followed by “no it wasn’t, it was child 2!”
Absolute bliss.
No more nursery runs
I used to love the nursery runs. Taking my eldest to nursery and collecting her whilst pushing the youngest in his pram were some of the best times (getting them both ready in the morning…not so much, but I loved the walk).
By the time my youngest had reached nursery, the novelty had worn off. Mostly because it was admittedly a nightmare trying to get a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old up the hill to the school. Two things used to lenthen the journey to school:
One – the neighbourhood cats, of which there are many and which the kids insisted on stopping and stroking every five minutes.
Two – the bin men. My then three-year-old loved to stop, stare and wave at the garbage truck, which moved veeery slowly around the street. Thankfully the bin men didn’t mind this small child gawping at them and waving and usually waved back. While I stood there furiously tugging on his arm aware of the fact that we were going to be late.
Then, just three hours later, I’d have to go back up the hill to collect him.
Then back home again.
I was honestly relieved when he finally completed nursery this year.
I still cried when I collected him on his last day though!
And seeing him walking straight towards his nursery teachers this morning, confused that he was no longer with them and now in a different class, really tugged at the heartstrings!
Now for the worst things…
The house is too quiet
One of the best things about having two children in school full-time is also one of the worst things. Without the constant demands for snacks, fights and complaints of boredom, the house will just feel too bloody quiet.
I don’t trust it.
It’s like when your kids are both upstairs stomping around and suddenly there’s silence and you try to savour the moment but then you become suspicious and wonder why the hell it’s so quiet.
And worry that they may have actually killed each other.
I’m sure I’ll quickly get used to the silence.
I’ll miss them
They’re annoying sometimes, they demand my attention constantly and they’re bloody noisy. And they talk and laugh about farts way too much.
But I’ll still miss them.
I’ll still probably spend the first day like Liz in Motherland, lying on the sofa, staring at one of the kid’s toys or something they’ve damaged and wondering what the hell to do with myself.
It’ll feel weird not having both or at least one of them in the house.
And also weird no longer needing to check the clock to see if it’s time to go and collect the littlest one from nursery.
I suppose that gives me more reason to look forward to his bear-hugs when he gets home!
Time goes by too fast
Despite being sort of relieved to have reached this stage, I’m still sad at how quickly the time has gone by.
It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I became a first-time mum and was ready to start my parenting journey.
The baby and toddler years have now gone and while I often wished those years away during the challenging times, I do miss them!
Where did all those years go?!
Quick bit of advice: If you’re expecting a baby or have recently had a baby, soak it all up, because before you know it they will be seven years old and asking you if it’s ok to call you “mum” instead of “mummy.”
Or calling you “bruh.”
*Sob*
Anxiety will be at an all time high
I won’t lie. I’m an anxious person. I worry a lot.
So now that my four-year-old will be starting school full-time, I will be worrying about how he copes with it.
We had a few wobbles the first time round when my now seven-year-old started Reception (to be fair to her, it was during the pandemic and she coped amazingly well and quickly adjusted to being at school full-time).
But she was often very grumpy when she got home (a small grunt or silence was the usual response when I asked how her day had been). This is common!
But going through it all again will be a challenge, for both the littlest one and me.
It’s easy to forget just how little they still are at four years old and just how challenging it can be for them to be away from home for so long.
Hopefully we’ll get through it!
As long as he doesn’t come home and start calling me “bruh.”
Phone calls
There are two types of phone calls that fill me with dread:
One – Unknown number.
Two – *insert name of primary school here*
You’ve just settled down at home to work or are in the middle of housework or worse, in bed feeling like death because you’ve got the flu – and your phone rings.
For every parent, there’s always that worry about whether you’ll get a phone call informing you that your child has been sick, feels sick or has fallen over in the playground. Again.
You immediately have to drop what you’re doing and rush up to the hill to collect your child. Even worse if you’ve just collected the littlest one from nursery and get a call the minute you get back home about the eldest one feeling unwell and have to go back up the hill again.
On the plus side, I got plenty of exercise that day.
And so…
My feelings are well and truly mixed. I’m not sure where those years have gone, but I managed to get through the challenges of the baby and toddler stage and now I’m (sort of) ready to face the next set of parenting challenges.
The first one was trying not to cry when I dropped them off at school this morning.
I failed that one.
Despite being relieved that they’re back to school!
