Are holidays with small children worth it?

Since this entire blog is about sharing honest parenting experiences, I have one phrase that sums up holidays with small children:

Same shit, different location.

There’s no other way to describe it.

Whenever we go on holiday with the kids, we ALWAYS opt for staycations.

There is absolutely NO WAY I would ever consider sitting on a plane with my kids for several hours. I admire those who choose to do it, but I’ll be honest and say that holidays away from the UK will only be an option for me when the kids are a bit older.

If the plane crashes and we all happen to die, then I want to die relaxed and happy, rather than on the way to a tiny, cramped toilet thousands of feet above ground with both kids in tow because they need a wee or a poo for the 50^th time.

So, having recently been on a holiday with small children, here’s a few bits of advice that you didn’t ask for, but I’m giving you anyway:

Lower your expectations

And by lower, I mean REALLY lower them. Don’t expect a relaxing holiday. 95% of holidays with small children will consist of listening to constant complaints of the following:

Being hungry.

Being bored if you dare to choose an attraction that involves walking for more than 10 minutes.

Needing the toilet.

And in addition to this, there will be constant, noisy, child-friendly activities, such as farms…

The remaining 5% of the holiday will hopefully involve some relaxation, but you won’t be able to do much, because you’ll be too exhausted.

Be prepared to be covered in sand

Small children plus a beach equals lots of mess. Expect to be covered in sand. Especially if your four-year-old is anything like mine and has a habit of flinging clumps of it over his shoulder in the direction that you’re sitting when he’s trying to dig a huge hole.

Of course, it’s not always the fault of the children. UK beaches can be very windy, even during summer. Which means lots of sand on your clothes and in your eyes (bloody painful!).

You’ll be emptying sand out of your shoes for many months after the holiday.

Still, at least a sandy beach keeps the kids entertained for a few hours!

Get ready for complaints about the sea being too cold and wet

Your kids, if they are anything like mine, will peel off their shoes and socks and then go rushing towards the sea for a paddle. They’ll be fine for the first few minutes, but then the complaints will kick in.

“I’m cold!”

Well yeah, that’s UK beaches for you.

“I’m wet!”

Well that’s because you decided to take off your socks and go bounding towards the sea.

Also, water is wet.

I stupidly forgot to take a towel on one of the occasions that we visited one of the beaches on our holiday (to be fair, it was a spontaneous visit but I still should have been prepared).

Don’t be like me. Remember that towel. Otherwise, you’ll have constant complaints all the way back to the car, which will result in a headache.

Don’t let your kids share a room

Unless your children get on like a house on fire and have little or no arguments at all, DON’T let them share a room on holiday. Doing so will result in the littlest one constantly bothering the older one, the older one losing her temper and all hell breaking loose.

In all honesty, I found that they settled much better when we put them in separate rooms. They (more so the older one) preferred having their own space!

The only thing I recommend allowing them to share a room with is a cuddly toy (or in the case of my children, about five cuddly toys each).

Choose dining options carefully

Holidays with small children consist of doing child-orientated activities every day, which is thirsty and hungry work. There’s nothing better than finding a pub or restaurant where you can enjoy a relaxing family meal after a busy day.

The problem is, there is absolutely no such thing as a relaxing meal with small children, whether at home or on holiday.

The youngest will spend the entire time complaining and getting restless because the pub you chose happens to be the busiest in the area, resulting in at least a 40-minute wait for the food to arrive.

The oldest won’t complain as much but may indulge in a bit of role playing with her toys while waiting, resulting in you getting jabbed in the eye with a knife.

Luckily, I arrived home with both eyes still intact.

If you’re planning to stay in a holiday home, then opt for a takeaway instead! It’s much less hassle and the owners usually leave a good selection of takeaway menus in holiday cottages!

Avoid sitting outside if your kids have jam sandwiches

We visited a café up a hill (there were a few complaints from the kids about that one) and ordered the kid’s lunchbox option.

Which came with jam sandwiches.

Which wasps love.

There were at least five of the buggers circling us.

The husband and I tried to bat them away Mr Bean-style, whilst the kids enticed them by placing a massive pile of sticky sandwich crusts in the middle of the table.

The only good thing about this experience was the beautiful view.

Sit inside if your kids have jam sandwiches.

And don’t choose a cafe that’s up a hill. Unless the view is worth it like it was in this case.

Be prepared to spend a fortune in the arcade

Now this one, I don’t mind, because despite being on the wrong side of 35, I still love arcades. Even though it can be busy and noisy, I love the sounds, as it reminds me of the family holidays I had with my parents when I was a child back in the 90s.

There are a few differences these days though.

Now, every machine that you place money into spits tickets out. These can be redeemed for prizes. This is all fine, but, as I mentioned in the family holiday packing post, it costs A LOT of tickets for just a small teddy bear.

And while you can get rid of them in the ticket eater machine, there’s always those few stray tickets that you find still stuck in your pocket when you’re back home (if this happens, stick them in your kid’s summer scrapbook!).

You’d have to spend a hell of a lot of money to win anything worthy of being added to the other additional stuff that you have accumulated on the holiday and will need to cram into the car.

We won 70 tickets (a tiny amount in comparison to the huge bundles being clutched by children around us) and exchanged them for a bag of chocolate buttons.

Which were definitely not of the Dairy Milk variety.

Out of all the prizes (there weren’t many that you could get for 70 tickets), the kids chose these. I asked them several times to make sure.

Both kids insisted on the chocolate buttons.

And surprise surprise….both kids didn’t like them.

To be fair, they did taste awful.

Arcades are fun for kids (and me), but it’s so easy to spend more than you intended in them!

So are holidays with small children worth it?

In conclusion, holidays with small children aren’t really a holiday at all. It’s basically dealing with the trials and tribulations of parenting but nearer to the sea instead.

And spending a fortune.

Like I said, same shit different location.

But if you want something to look back on years later to laugh (or cry) about, then yes, holidays with small children are absolutely worth it.