Parenthood is already scary enough but some elements of it are terrifying.
And so, with Halloween nearly upon us, here are five creepy stories that sum up life as a parent.
NOTE: These scary parenting stories are all true and terrifying.
I’m still recovering from these…
The Spider in the Shoe
Once upon a time, there was a mummy, who was also an arachnophobe. Somehow, this mummy’s children had obtained a massive, furry toy spider.
Perhaps it was from the grandparents or maybe it used to be Daddy’s toy spider.
Mummy wasn’t sure.
She had no idea where this thing had come from. Being an arachnophobe, there was no way Mummy would ever buy the children such a thing.
After being scared shitless countless times by this spider, Mummy decided to hide it from her children. But somehow, the children managed to find it.
And one day, when Mummy went to reach for her shoes (while shouting at the kids to hurry up and get their shoes on), she put her hand in her shoe…and felt something furry.
She looked down…and there, in her shoe, was the f**king toy spider, in all its eight-legged glory.
Mummy screamed.
The children laughed.
Trying very hard not to use any swear words, Mummy quickly removed the spider from her shoe.
The urge to throw the furry abomination in the bin was strong, but Mummy resisted.
That furry abomination is now tucked away in a drawer and Mummy hopes that the children will never ever find it…
…but they probably will.
Because Mummy is certain that her children have a special ability that enables them to seek out ANYTHING she has hidden.
The Knock in the Night
Once upon a time, there was a mummy, who didn’t get much sleep because she was….a parent.
After putting the children to bed early one night, Mummy thought it would be nice to have an early night with Daddy. So they climbed into bed…and messed about on their mobile phones for a bit.
Mummy eventually fell asleep but was woken up (after what felt like twenty minutes but was actually a few hours) by a knocking sound.
Heart racing, Mummy got out of bed. She crept onto the landing and saw a small, shadowy figure standing in the doorway of her 3-year-old’s bedroom…
After the initial panic, Mummy quickly realised that the small, shadowy figure was, in fact, her 3-year-old and not a shorter-than-average burglar.
After trying to explain to her child that it was only 3 a.m. and somehow persuading him to go back to sleep, Mummy got back into bed…
…and spent the rest of the night awake, scared to go back to sleep out of fear of being woken up by the dreaded knocking sound again.
The Creeping Child
Once upon a time, there was a mummy, who thought it would be a good idea to allow her children to share a room on holiday.
It wasn’t.
So after an hour of the children annoying the hell out of each other, Mummy lost her shit and separated them.
The littlest one ended up sharing a room with Mummy and Daddy, which Mummy didn’t mind…until she woke up the next morning and saw her little one creeping towards her…
…and jumped in shock when his face suddenly appeared right up close to hers.
Mummy somehow managed to avoid screaming and waking everyone in the holiday home up and the little one crawled into bed, where he poked and prodded her head like a hungry cat trying to coax its owner out of bed.
And Daddy, despite being in the same bed, STILL somehow managed to sleep through it all.
Sigh.
The Voice in the Night
Once upon a time, there was a mummy, who did exactly the same things she did in The Knock in the Night (early night, messing about on the mobile phone for a bit etc)…
…and was once again woken up in the middle of the night. This time, it wasn’t a knock, but a small voice shouting “help” instead.
Instantly thinking of that awful but classic horror story where a babysitter receives a call and is told to “check on the children”, Mummy jumped out of bed and rushed towards her 3-year-old’s bedroom.
She burst in, terrified of what she was going to find…
…and saw her child sitting there with his duvet clasped in his hands.
“Mummy help, my duvet fell off! Can you tuck me in again?”
Unsure whether to breathe a sigh of relief or despair, Mummy tucked her child in and went back to bed.
And despite being a bit irritated, Mummy was obviously very relieved that there were no child murderers in the house.
The Broken Toy
Once upon a time, there was a mummy, who had somehow managed to get both of her kids to bed at a reasonable time and was wondering how to spend those precious hours before she would go to bed, be woken up by a knock or a voice in the night and then have to get up feeling and looking like a zombie.
Enjoying the peace, Mummy and Daddy suddenly jumped when the tune of “Old MacDonald had a farm” came loudly from the playroom…
Daddy immediately went in and switched the toy off while Mummy recovered from the shock.
But this wasn’t the first time this had happened…
One evening, when Mummy was leaving the playroom after tidying up, a toy cheerily shouted “goodbye!”, making her jump.
Mummy not-so-politely told the toy to f**k off.
But the most horrifying experience of all was the time when Mummy was coming out of her son’s bedroom after tucking him in. She heard an awful sound and quietly called Daddy.
Daddy immediately went to investigate…and discovered the insides of a toy making a terrifying croaking noise like Kayako in The Grudge as a result of the batteries being on the verge of running out.
Worrying that her kids were becoming far too much like Sid from Toy Story, Mummy banned her children from dissecting any of their toys in future and now makes sure that the batteries are always working.
And now…
This mummy needs a hot chocolate (or maybe something stronger) after recounting those scary parenting stories.
And she will definitely be checking her shoes before she goes trick-or-treating with the kids.
Happy Halloween!
