The stress of car journeys with children

If I ever decide to go on a game show one day, I hope that this is the million-pound question:

What is the question that kids ask the most during a car journey? Is it:

A. Where are we going?

B. Are we there yet?

C. Can we have the radio on?

D. Can we stop for an ice cream?

Me (without hesitation): B.

Game show host: Are you sure?

Me: I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life.

The game show host then turns to the massive screen with all the options on, announces my answer and there’s a nice, loud ding, signalling that I’ve just become a millionaire.

I’m now trying to push out any daydreams about how I’d spend my easily-earned million pounds and get back to writing this blog post.

There’s no doubt that travelling with kids is stressful, especially when they’re five and two (the age my kids were when we first had a proper family holiday). Whether it’s a half-hour journey or a two-hour one, there will be questions or complaints.

A LOT of them.

Here are a few more of the most-asked questions and complaints that I’ve had to deal with during car journeys with children:

Where’s Daddy?

A question usually asked by my kids five minutes after the husband goes into a petrol station. Despite me explaining that Daddy has gone to pay for the petrol and grab some snacks, they continue to ask. I always reassure them that Daddy will be back as quickly as he can and not to worry. He’s not been abducted like Sandra Bullock’s character in The Vanishing and buried alive by a massive Barney Cousins lookalike.

At least I hope not.

I need a wee

A top contender for the most-asked questions and complaints during car journeys with children, along with its sister complaint, “I need a poo”. No matter how many times you ask BEFORE embarking on a car journey, your kids won’t need the toilet. They will only need it AFTER you’ve spent ten minutes trying to get them into their car seats and around fifteen minutes into a two-hour journey.

Can we have (insert name of Disney song here) on again?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Disney songs. I love them. However, there are only so many times I can listen to the seven dwarfs singing “High Ho, High Ho, it’s off to work we go” on a two or three-hour journey before losing my shit. We’ve tackled this one by taking turns to pick a song or by having a playlist with a mixture of songs that everyone can sing along to.

Problem solved!

Why is it taking so long?

Because, little child, it’s a two-hour journey and two-hour journeys take…..two hours. And that two-hour journey can easily become three hours when we have to keep making regular toilet breaks and snack breaks. Regular breaks are of course advisable, especially when travelling with babies!

Despite you taking regular breaks mostly for the benefit of a three and a 5-year-old though, they will still complain that the journey is taking too long. Well, Susan and Peter, that’s your fault for demanding that we stop off for another snack.

Which brings me to the next complaint:

I’m hungry

If your toddler is anything like mine and has the appetite of a Hobbit, then there will be complaints of hunger, resulting in searching for a service station about thirty minutes into your journey to stop off for a second breakfast. Or a third and fourth snack.

If I had to pick one thing from Tolkien’s Middle Earth to exist in real life it would be Elven Lembas bread. One bite and the kids would be full for the rest of the day. A lifesaver for all parents.

And in addition to all of these questions and complaints…

You can also add siblings getting into fights to the stress of car journeys with children. No matter how many times you ask your toddler to stop making that noise because it’s annoying his sister, he won’t listen and will carry on doing it.

Paracetamol has become my favourite travelling companion.